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Reunions and Reconnections: Opportunities for Growth, Renewal, and Progress October 31, 2024 14:54
If you prefer to listen to this month's offering, please click HERE for the audio link.
“Cultivating a kind mind is the best and most important thing we can ever do. It is the most precious endeavor we can dedicate ourselves to.”
Jim and I met in high school back in the 80s. We were in the same geometry class, and we also had orchestra together. We married a few years after graduating from high school, and we have been together for thirty-eight years.
Earlier this month, we attended our 40th high school reunion in Indianapolis. The venue was a riverside patio bar. Inside, strands of icicle lights lined the walls, a banner with “Cheers for 40 Years” surrounded by black and gold balloons decorated the back wall, and a DJ played 80s tunes from a laptop: “Crazy for You,” “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” “I’m on Fire,” “Smooth Operator,” “Footloose.”
We purchased our tickets, donned our nametags, and wandered around the room chatting with some friends, some strangers, but all former graduates of Warren Central. I remembered some people from elementary school, some from junior high, and some from high school. When people made eye contact and space for us in their circles, we happily joined their conversations.
***
“If we only think of ourselves, we become easily angered, and our activities will be fraught with problems and obstacles.”
The only other reunion that Jim and I attended prior to this one was our 10th reunion. It was a two-day affair that included a dinner at a hotel, where the highlight of the evening was when Harry the janitor showed up…in his custodian uniform. The following day, a luncheon was held on the grounds of the local Knights of Columbus. It was late spring, and we all sat on our own blankets on the grass and ate our own homemade lunches that we brought with us. We didn’t really mingle or chat much at this previous event. Not enough time had passed, and we still hadn’t quite figured out who we were or where we were going just yet.
***
This reunion, however, was different…in large part…because we were different. Many of us were or had been cultivating careers as business owners, educators, musicians, accountants, engineers, veterans, skilled tradespeople, stay-at-home moms, and government employees.
Whether we were married or not, whether we had children (or grandchildren) or not, no matter what paths we had fallen into or chosen, we were all older, wiser, and open to listening to and celebrating with one another.
I had wonderful conversations with people I never knew in high school. I also had conversations with people who were in the same kindergarten class as me.
I enjoyed asking them questions—and I enjoyed listening to their answers and stories that followed.
***
“If we practice like this, when death arrives, there will be no regrets, and we will be happy with the life we lived.”
One wall of the enclosed patio bar was dedicated to those in our graduating class who had died. Their names and pictures were tributes and reminders of how fragile and impermanent we really are.
One of the names on the wall was particularly significant for me. He had been my protector and shield against daily bullying that I had experienced on the bus when I was in ninth and tenth grades. He didn’t know this at the time; at least, I don’t think he did.
His name was Shannon, and he lived in the apartment complex just down the street from the apartments where my family lived. His stop was before mine, so he was already on the bus when I boarded, followed by the half-dozen bullies who harassed me every day on the way to school.
Shannon was a quiet guy, and a tough guy who no one messed with. He wore a faded denim jacket, a leather wallet on a long chain, and black boots. I quickly learned that if I sat next to him on the bus, the bullies left me alone.
I never spoke to him, and he never talked to me…but I was grateful for his presence, and I was grateful that he shared his seat with me on the bus.
I was sorry to learn that he had passed away. I would have loved to have shared that story with him in person.
***
“By putting effort into developing a kind mind and placing our hopes and trust in this practice, we will see results both in the short term and in the long term.”
What made this reunion such a success is that Jim and I didn’t have any expectations or preconceived notions. In fact, we happened to hear about this event at the last minute and by total happenstance.
We didn’t know who would attend—we were open to chatting with those who were present—and we were far more interested in being present and listening to others talk about their lives than talking about our own.
This reunion also made me realize how important my own meditation practice is and has been over the years. Taking time each day to sit quietly, to recite mantra, and to calm my mind has helped me find my way and grow.
According to Buddhist teachings, our minds carry all the imprints and tendencies accumulated throughout our lives, and this is what carries on into future lives. Developing a kind, compassionate mind matters much more than accumulating wealth or accomplishments.
Developing a kind mind happens slowly over time. They call it a practice for a reason. We cultivate our minds in the small, everyday encounters with others—whether we are taking notes in high school geometry class or having a conversation with a research scientist in a dimly lit patio bar.
When my Tibetan friends refer to “mind,” they point to their chests, where their hearts reside. To them, “mind” is not physiological or neurological in nature, and it’s not confined to the creases and folds of the human brain. Mind is much bigger than that.
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Reunions are opportunities to check up on our own progress and to connect and reconnect with others in a brief, but meaningful way.
This event also made me grateful to have shared so much of my life with my husband, Jim. Together, we have cultivated a meaningful life and have learned and experienced a great deal over the years. I hope we can share many more years together and continue to learn and grow.
I know I’m certainly in a better place than I was when I was in high school. I’m more secure and confident about who I am. I’m much less concerned about what others think of me, and I’m more curious and open to talking with others. It is this genuine curiosity that fosters compassion, joy, and empathy, and focusing on others truly is the root of happiness.
***
I hope this last day of October treats you well, and I hope November has promising opportunities and benefits to offer. I am currently preparing for Wellbeing Fest, which is coming up on November 10th in Fishers, IN. If you haven’t visited the Middle Moon Malas online collection in a while, I’ve added some new mala designs. Be sure to check that out while you’re here.
Quote Note:
All of the italicized quotations in this article are attributed to Khandro Kunga Bhuma Rinpoche, a highly regarded Tibetan Buddhist teacher, state oracle, and realized practitioner who assists the Fourteenth Dalai Lama in promoting world peace and interreligious harmony.
